As a general rule, I like to write a positive article. Maybe not a sickeningly sweet, isn’t life grand, you should be happy to be alive article, but I like people to walk away glad that they took the time to read it. I like to have some kind of upbeat point. But you know, there are a lot of other people living on this planet, and if you deal with them often enough sooner or later you’re going to need a good rant. This is mine. Nothing earth-shattering, just a little list of some of the crazy-ass things I see people do.
Pet Peeves
Got a pet? Know someone who has a pet? Then you’ve probably met these characters…
People who talk baby-talk to their pets. Now, I’m not against talking to your pets in general, in fact, I’m all for that. I have lengthy, albeit one-sided, conversations with my dogs all the time. My dogs respond to some words that a lot of people don’t, like “Chill”. No, what I’m talking about here is people who say things like, “How’s my wittew buddy wuddy, huh? Duzzy wanna have a wittew tweat?” Puh-lease. This is absolutely humiliating. Your pet knows this, he just loves you too much to tell you.
Related rant: Why is this called baby talk? I have 4 siblings, 5 nieces and nephews, and a score of cousins and second cousins. I have been subjected to just about every form of infant from newborn to spoiled co-worker. I have never heard a baby talk like that.
How about People who let their cats up on the kitchen counters? I am very aware of the nature of cats; of their instinctive desire to jump, climb, and explore. It always makes me laugh to find them up on a curtain rod, or behind a row of books on a shelf. But there are places that need to be off limits, and the counter is one of them. And you know what really kills me? The very same people who will argue for hours that cats are so much smarter than dogs, will look me in the eye and tell me that you can’t teach a cat to stay off of counters. You know what? My dogs know better than to let me find them on the counter, and if a cat is smart, it will too.
So why do I care about this anyway? Well, do you know anyone who scrubs the counter top right before they prepare a meal on it? I don’t. Look, I floss. I don’t need to be doing it with cat hair in the middle of a meal.
Related rant: People who put their child down on the counter at McDonalds. Ok, it’s not exactly health food to begin with, but I’d like to enjoy it without having to wonder if your kid’s diaper was changed recently.
L is for “Lazy”
You don’t usually associate the health club with lazy people, but they infiltrate all aspects of our lives, and the health club is not immune. I go to the gym 4 or 5 days a week, and at least twice a week, I see them. I’m talking about people who stop and wait in their cars for a parking spot 20 feet closer to the door. I have to ask myself what kind of workout is in store for a person who won’t walk the extra 3 or 4 spaces to the next open spot. Maybe they’re conserving energy so they can put it all into their workout…yeah, that’s it.
The building where I work was recently made handicap accessible. Part of this transition was the addition of buttons which will automatically open the outside doors. What drives me crazy is people who walk up, empty-handed, and push the button rather than expend the effort to open the door by hand. I don’t know why this bothers me. It can’t waste that much electricity, and I don’t mind when someone has their hands full and uses the buttons. Maybe it’s the attitude. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I take the stairs to our office, rather than ride the elevator one floor. It just seems, I don’t know…lazy.
Makes McSense to Me
And now, my last peeve, and one of my favorites – the obscenely overweight person in McDonalds, who orders a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese meal, super-sized, with – you guessed it – Diet Coke. Oh yeah. Think of the calories they’re saving. Hell, go back for the sundae or the hot apple pie. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against large people. I’ll be the first to admit that in a lot of cases it’s a matter of genetics rather than diet — and I feel for those people, I really do. I’d just be willing to wager that they are not the people I’m seeing at McDonalds.
Ok, I’m done venting. All in all, I don’t suppose it was that much of a rant. Fact of the matter is, it’s a lame rant, because these things don’t really piss me off. I can’t help notice them, and it causes me to make some assumptions about the people, but that’s as far as it goes.
If any of this has hit home with you because, well, you are one of these people ..don’t worry. I’m not angry at you and I don’t hate you. I will, however, reserve the right to laugh at you. Thanks for making my day.